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Highlights of Opponent Game Thread Highlights 2015-2016

April 15, 2016
tags: ,

…aka the jazzfanatical version of “Mean Tweets.”

snyder
** Quin Snyder is a good coach
–Yes, when he isn’t scaring little kids. (Lakers)
** I missed the 1st part of the game, did Quin crack open the skull of a toddler and feast on the grayish-pink goodness within, like normal? (Nuggets)
** He looks like a serial killer. (Blazers)
** Jazz’ coach looks like a bad ass mofo yo
–AKA serial killer
–True but hey, it comes with the badassery
–Or a Prohibition-era gangster.
–He looks like he attended Cobra Kai.
–Looks like a greaser, 50’s style. Stick you in a knife fight and then slick back his hair and roll up the cigs in his tshirt.
–He looks like Ray Liotta in Goodfellas.
–He look like he pays women to poop on him
–Ew. C’mon.
–He has that kind of face. He just does (Blazers)
** Quin Snyder looks like he just walked out of a cocaine party on Wall Street (Magic)
** Snyder really looks like the kind of guy to give you tips on where to get good hookers and blow in any NBA city. (Magic)
** Quin Snyder with the coke out Goldman Sachs looks wins the thread. BTW I would totally look like him if I had the money
–I need to track down his phone number for when I make a trip to the States, a weekend with him would be epic (Magic)
** Quin Snyder looks like an actor who’s a serial killer (Warriors)
** Quin Snyder threatened to murder our entire roster. (Knicks)
** Snyder called a time out for a cocaine break (Magic)
** Quin Snyder is the wolf of whatever Utah’s banking district is (Magic)
** Good god camera man. No more zooming in on Quin Snyder (Nuggets)
** Quin Snyder is scary (Sixers)
** Is Quin Snyder the most punchable coach in the NBA?
–He’s like a Batman’s archenemy. WHACK! POW!
–I think Haywood and him just talk about hair gel most of the time (Timberwolves)
** It’s The Scary Coach! (Blazers)
** I don’t know why..but he really creeps me out lol
–Imagine him as your neighborhood butcher. (Grizzlies)
** I remember Quin Snyder winning the State Championship when I was in high school. He is from Mercer Island, tho.
–He is not. He’s from Transylvania. (Blazers)
** Porzingis’ dunk made coach Snyder angry. Made him call a timeout. Made him murder 15 people (Knicks)
** The Jazz head coach looks like a villain from a show where all the main characters are attractive as heck. Basically a CW show (Knicks)
** Is it just me or does the Jazz coach look like a movie villain? He just needs a scar across his eye.
–He looks like a villain in a movie where the hero is a dog. (Nets)
** Snyder looks freaky (Nets)
** Quin Snyder looks like he sucked on something super sour.
–Dude looks almost evil. He could easily play a movie villain (Pistons)
** Holy crap like every image of Quin Snyder makes him look insane. He’s a comic book villain. (Pistons)
** Wow Quin Snyder’s fingers are freakishly long, he just signaled in a play holding up two fingers and it looked quite strange (Hornets)
** Utah looks like we used to look last year. Just totally uninterested in playing basketball.
–If Quin Snyder knew where your family lived, you would be distracted too (Denver)
** Quin Snyder has the best super villain hair of any NBA coach (at least now that Pat Riley is in the FO). (Bucks)
** Utah’s coach looks like he just woke up after a night of partying (Celtics)
** Quin Snyder, best hair in the NBA? (Blazers)
** As if Quin Snyder cares about boos.
–Quin Snyder conditions his luxurious hair with your boos. (Blazers)
** How does Quin Snyder find the time to be both an NBA coach AND a Batman villain? (Kings)
** Quin Snyder looks like he fell asleep in a tanning booth. (Bulls)

** Quin Snyder looks like a voodoo doll of Willem Dafoe. (Pistons)
** Jazz coach looks like that actor who married the 17 year old, the guy who was in Green Mile and other stuff. I forget his name.
–He looks like William Fichtner.
–I gotta stick with Doug Hutchison! (Blazers)
** Quin Snyder looks like Robert Patrick (Denver)
** Quin Snyder is one guy I would feel uncomfortable around. Has that American Psycho look (Knicks)
** Daily reminder that Quin Snyder has crazy eyes and he wouldn’t be out of place playing a serial killer in a movie. He kind of reminds me of Patrick Bateman from American Psycho (Kings)
** Quin Snyder. Granted he reminds me so much of Patrick Bateman from “American Psycho,” usually I quote lines from that movie when thinking about Snyder. (Spurs)
** The Utah coach looks like Scarecrow from the Batman movies (Bale). (Sixers)
** Snyder reminds me of McConaughey in “A Time to Kill” (Timberwolves)
** There’s someone or something Quin Snyder looks like. I can’t put my finger on it.
–Jimmy Smits and a praying mantis. (Spurs)

hayward

** Hayward looks like he is straight outta the 50’s (Lakers)
** Why does Hayward think he’s Ryan Gosling? (Pistons)
** Someone needs to rescind the license of Hayward’s barber. (Blazers)
** Anyone know Hayward and Crabbe’s paypal? I’d like to spot them both 20 for a barber trip.
–Looks like Hayward went but finished half way, musta had a phone call or something.
–He’s doing all he can with that nerdlinger face! (Blazers)
** Hayward looks like a milkman from the 50s (Cavaliers)
** Heywood’s Howdy-Doody haircut is looking a little frazzled (Thunder)
** I already got a hate boner for Gordon Heyword. (Knicks)
** Gordon Hayward’s hair is dumb
–I never see him without thinking of the Jack Frost stop-motion animation movie from 1979. (Kings)
** Hayward really got that big room DJ hair cut
–I think he looks like he showed up to a casting call for Stand By Me or This Boy’s Life. (Kings)
** I can’t help but think boy band whenever I see Hayward. (Pacers)
** Hayward has no guts!!!!!!!!!!
–But his hair is perfect
–I saw it bounce a little bit on the replay. Needs more gel at the back.
–I’d like to know how much he spends on gel (Thunder)
** Hayward: too much Brylcreem.
–I was puzzled by his hair earlier. That would explain it.
–I hope the ball doesn’t bounce off his head. It’ll take 20 mins to degrease it. (Spurs)
** Hayward looks like a Die Hard villain (Sixers)
** I’m not sure how I’m supposed to see Gordon Heyward and not think there is any HGH use in the NBA despite the fact there is no testing. (Timberwolves)
** Heyward is the best dorky player ever! He is just such a dork but damn he can play pretty well (Blazers)
** Hayward with a dead chicken on his head. (Spurs)
** What the hell is that thing on Hayward’s head?! (Spurs)
** Do McRoberts and Hayward have the same haircut now? (Heat)
** Gordon Hayward really needs to rethink that undercut (Hornets)
** What the fuck is a Hayward? More like.. HayNERD (Knicks)
** Gordon Hayward has ridiculous hair (Knicks)
** My dislike of Hayward grows.
–I’m with you. I find him considerably unlikeable. For his haircut alone
–Especially the hair cut. (Knicks)
** Gordon Hayward looks like every bartender in Lower Manhattan. (Knicks)
** Fuck Hayward and his Williamsburg hipster-looking ass. (Knicks)
** He and Snyder look like douchy frat brothers in some incarnation of the Revenge of the Nerds series. (Timberwolves)
** I hate Heyward’s hair. Looks like a little prick (Bulls)
** Haywood head looks like Astroboy (Bulls)
** How is Hayward’s hair still like perfectly gelled? So annoying lol
–Looks like he just fell out of an episode of Dawson’s Creek circa 1999 (Bulls)
** Hayward’s dad took a metal ruler and heated it white hot and seared that part into his kid’s hair when he was 7 (Blazers)
** He looks like a Lego character that I had as a child (Blazers)
** Seriously, Hayward’s hair. Not a strand out of place even in the fourth quarter lol
–It’s a 3d printed wig
–Reminds me of Tintin. (Bulls)
** That hairstyle Hayward is sporting does nothing to lessen his facial punchability. Still looks like that obnoxious frat dude who was so annoying in your MacroEcon class. (Timberwolves)
** Haywood looks like a good player from far away but then you get up close and see his hair (Timberwolves)

** Great flop by Bitchdon Flopward (Knicks)
** Hayward did the head snappy thing. Yes that was a foul, but yuck (Blazers)
** Hayward has gotten the Harden whiplash down pat. (Blazers)
** Hayward just pulled a Harden-esque head snap there (Blazers)
** Hayward looking like Harden with that Pez head. (Warriors)
** Never knew that Hayward was such a head snapper (Warriors)

** Hairwad (Timberwolves)

** Heyward (Suns)
** Heyword (Knicks)
** Haywood (Spurs)
** Heyward (Timberwolves)
** Haywood (Timberwolves)
** Heyward (Blazers)
** Heyward (Pistons)
** Heyward (Bulls)
** Haywood (Bulls)
** Heyward (Rockets)
** Haywood (Wizards)

ingles

** LOL that promotional shot of Joe Ingles. Looks like a wanted ad. (Blazers)
** I despise Ingles.
–Seconded. He has that rec league look to him
–Ingles is one of those guys I will never like just because of the look on his face
–I am with you. He looks like that guy that is super drunk early in the party. (Blazers)
** He looks like they found him at the bar on the mezzanine (Pistons)
** Who is Ingles? I noticed him earlier this game. He is trash. (Pistons)
** Joe Ingles looks like a guy who maybe used to be athletic, but then settled thoroughly into “drunk step-dad” territory. (Blazers)
** Who is Joe Ingles? (Magic)
** Joe Ingles, the guy they pulled out of the pub to play. (Hawks)
** I dont have a good reason to but I quite literally hate Joe Ingles, seriously fuck this guy. His name is awful and his presence in the NBA is insulting (Knicks)
** Ingles looks like Toby from The Office (Pacers)
** Granted, my stream isn’t very good but I think my building super is in the game for Utah right now. (Timberwolves)
** Ingles fixed my toilet on his day off. (Timberwolves)
** I used to buy Meth off of Ingles when he lived here (Blazers)
** Joe Ingles the smoking man’s basketball player. (Blazers)
** Ingles looks like a movie, where the local middle-aged pickup player gets a shot at the pros due to some wacky circumstance. (Blazers)
** Ingles has a ton of beer in the trunk I bet
–I like to think he listens to Def Leppard on cassette in his Toyota pickup.
–Wearing a sleeveless Levi’s jacket (Blazers)
** Joe Ingles will only ever play for Utah. So Utah (Timberwolves)
** Joe Ingles looks like your friend’s roommate. (Bucks)
** 95% sure Joe Ingles sold meth outside of my old school (Blazers)
** Joe Ingles should never score in the NBA. It doesn’t make sense to me. (Blazers)
** Cool–my dad just got a steal and a dunk for the Jazz. (Timberwolves)
** Fuck off Ingles you scrub
–Ingles is a fuckin scrub…He’ll never accomplish shit in this league. (Mavericks)

630 neto** Who is the PG for the Jazz now? He actually looks like a missionary.
–Raul Neto?
** What is a Neto? (Blazers)
** Who the f is Raul Neto? (Cavaliers)
** Who the hell is Neto and why’s he kicking our ass? (Pacers)
** Who the fuck is Neto? (Suns)
** There’s always some random player that looks like MJ against the Clippers. Tonight it’s Raul Neto. (Clippers)
** That Neto guy is a strong candidate for scrub of the night (Heat)
** Does Raul Neto not look like Leo DiCaprio? (Blazers)
** Does Neto look like Leonardo DiCaprio? (Blazers)
** Neto is pretty damn good looking (Blazers)
** Who the fuck is Raul Neto (Bulls)
** Why do we give scrubs career nights? Who the hell is Raul Neto? (Celtics)
** I thought this Raul Neto was just a created player on 2k16, I didn’t know he’s real lmao (Celtics)

hood

** I guess there is room on the Blazer Killers shelf for Rodney Hood. (Blazers)
** FUCK Rodney Hood. What a piece of shit. (Knicks)
** Fuck you Hood. You would be wearing a Grizz jersey if Chris Wallace didn’t fail at life (Grizzlies)
** Hood is too good to be on the Jazz (Rockets)
** Fucking Rodney Hood (Knicks)
** Fuck you Rodney Hood (Knicks)
** Fucking Rodney Hood (Knicks)
** Fuck off Rodney Hood (Pistons)
** Go away Rodney Hood (Pistons)
** Go fuck yourself Hood (Pistons)
** Hood may you please go fuck yourself. (Rockets)

booker

** Screw you Booker (Lakers)
** Seriously wth is his problem (Lakers)
** Send in Sacre. Give Booker a taste of his own dirty medicine (Lakers)
** Booker fucking dirty ass thug (Lakers)
** Wow Booker is fucking dumb. (Lakers)
** Fuck Booker (Lakers)
** Odds on Booker taking a swing at Meyers? (Blazers)
** Booker is a dirty ass player too. (Sixers)
** Trevor Booker is only 27 yrs old? Looks mature (Pacers)
** Trevor Booker stole Lebron’s forehead (Knicks)
** Why does Booker look like Lebron with hair? (Sixers)

5 Comments leave one →
  1. Paul Johnson permalink
    April 16, 2016 7:27 am

    Favorite opponent game thread comments:

    Quin Snyder:
    –Is it just me or does the Jazz coach look like a movie villain? He just needs a scar across his eye.
    –He looks like a villain in a movie where the hero is a dog. (Nets)

    Gordon Hayward:
    ** Hayward with a dead chicken on his head. (Spurs)

    Joe Ingles:
    ** Granted, my stream isn’t very good but I think my building super is in the game for Utah right now. (Timberwolves)
    ** Joe Ingles the smoking man’s basketball player. (Blazers)
    ** Ingles looks like a movie, where the local middle-aged pickup player gets a shot at the pros due to some wacky circumstance. (Blazers)
    –I like to think he listens to Def Leppard on cassette in his Toyota pickup. Wearing a sleeveless Levi’s jacket (Blazers)

    Raul Neto:
    ** I thought this Raul Neto was just a created player on 2k16, I didn’t know he’s real lmao (Celtics)

    • April 16, 2016 7:36 am

      The dog one might be the best of the year. It really made me laugh out loud at the time.

  2. Diana permalink
    April 16, 2016 1:51 pm

    I love this post. So many good quotes. I laughed so hard. I am surprised the Houston fan said please before asking Rodney to go eff himself.
    Seriously thanks, I needed this laugh.

  3. April 16, 2016 2:16 pm

    Oh man. After the way that season ended this post was so amazing. Have to agree with the “villain in a movie where the hero is a dog” as a favorite, as well as ALL the Rodney Hood hate and the comment about Raul and NBA 2k16. Thanks for this, Moni!

  4. April 17, 2016 10:19 am

    Thanks Diana and Jimmy!

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