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Season End: Highlights of Opponent Game Thread Highlights

April 20, 2015
tags: , ,

Sports fans are funny…and can be quite colorful and creative in their use of words. Below are some of the descriptions of Quin Snyder and a few Jazz players found in opponent game threads in the second half of this season.

Highlights from the first 41 games of the season can be found here.


** Excellent future as some sort of evil executive actor. Maybe one of those rich dudes on Law and Order who kills everyone (Cavaliers)
** An evil, money-obsessed cokehead on Wall Street (Cavaliers)
** Straight-to-video American Psycho 5 (Cavaliers)
** How often does Quin Snyder go tanning? Twice a day? (Bucks)
** What’s up with Quin Snyder’s hair? It’s fantastic. (Blazers)
** Scary looking (Blazers)
** Could kill someone by looking at them (Blazers)
** Knows what really happened to that Nationwide kid (Blazers)
** Always looks like he’s gonna murder everyone in the building (Suns)
** An evil scientist (Mavericks)
** Scary as fuck (Mavericks)
** About to pull out a 9 and start bustin’ some caps (Mavericks)
** A musician from the 80s (Mavericks)
** Top 3 for sure in intimidation factor (Knicks)
** Scary (Knicks)
** Drunk Stepfather (Pistons)
** Belthazor (Pistons)
** Evil version of Leo in Wolf of Wall Street (Pistons)
** The guy the spawn of Satan sent to prepare the Earth for his arrival. The dude that would kidnap the virgin witch to sacrifice in his crossover ritual (Pistons)
** Looking thinner. As if he graduated to coke (Pistons)
** A bit of an American Psycho look (Wizards)
** Ludwig von Beethoven (Blazers)
** Dude from American Psycho (Blazers)
** Harry Houdini (Blazers)
** Has DEFINITELY shot up a bank before (Blazers)
** Somebody take Utah’s coach out before he kills Batman or something (Blazers)
** Slimy movie villain (Blazers)
** American Psycho (Blazers)

** Which actor does Hayward look like with those damn cheekbones and that godawful slick haircut? (Cavaliers)
** Chris Klein? (Cavaliers)
** I wanna say Ryan Gosling but the fact that I even thought about saying Gordon Hayward looks like Ryan Gosling has just made me physically ill (Cavaliers)
** Chris Evans in Captain America before he gets ripped (Cavaliers)
** Gets his toughness/conditioning from constantly battling hydra (Warriors)
** Scruffy beard in a vain attempt to look like he’s not in high school (Trail Blazers)
** Still has the second most punchable face in the NBA (Blazers)
** I bet everything he says comes out in a nasal whine (Blazers)
** His work in The Rivers Edge and as McFly in Back to the Future are classics tho (Blazers)
** Hair is an atrocity (Suns)
** Captain America before his transformation (Kings)
** What the hell does Hayward put in his hair to keep it in place during a basketball game, rubber cement? (Kings)
** That’s too much Brylcreem (Spurs)
** A 1940s farmboy about to join the army (Blazers)
** Yes but it’s more like war for oil so he can keep his hair slicked back (Blazers)
** Hair drives me kind of crazy – he looks like Charlie Sheen in Wall Street (Celtics)
** Don Draper (Hornets)
** Pretty boy Hayward (Wizards)
** An extra from The Great Gatsby (Wizards)
** I don’t like Gordon Hayward’s face (Warriors)
** His hair (Warriors)
** Yeah I agree his hair like Luke Babbit last night. Too annoying (Warriors)
** Hayward is so white he thought about talking shit to Green there, but then thought better of it (Nuggets)
** He was thinking about what to get a Bed Bath and Beyond instead (Nuggets)
** I hear he is going to pick up a new French press after the game (Nuggets)

** Freakishly long (Celtics)
** Gobzilla (Celtics)
** Long enough to block a helicopter (Warriors)
** Goober (Blazers)
** A freaking mutant (Blazers)
** His arms are probably longer than I am (Blazers)
** Going to be a monster for a long time (Bucks)
** You have to get someone to just fucking club Gobert (Rockets)
** A fucking monster (Rockets)
** Trouble (Wizards)
** Has nice body control for a guy that is 11 feet tall (Timberwolves)
** Xerxes from 300 (Blazers)

ingles 112
** What is a Joe Ingles? (Cavaliers)
** What is a Joe Ingles? (Blazers)
** Who the hell is Joe Ingalls? (Nuggets)
** Who is Ingles? (Clippers)
** Fucking Joe Engles (Spurs)
** Is he the owner’s nephew or something? (Blazers)
** Ingliss reminds me of a guy I used to play with in over 35 ball. My guy had more hair (Bucks)
** A two-pack-a-day smoker (Blazers)
** Looks like he was promoted from the stadium maintenance crew (Timberwolves)
** One of the least athletic looking NBA players (Blazers)
** An alcoholic, pack-a-day smoker (Blazers)
** Meth looks like the more likely substance to be honest (Blazers)
** Nah, those people are skinny. Joe has the doughy thing going (Blazers)
** Ingles, like Babbit yesterday, are both guys that look like NBA players from the 70s — especially guys that were only in the league because the ABA thinned out the depth pool (Timberwolves)

Honorable Mention
** Fuck Utah. Team of long ostriches (Wizards)

4 Comments leave one →
  1. The Jorge permalink
    April 21, 2015 12:09 am

    The “What is a Joe Ingles?” questions were always my favorite. I asked it every time he checked in throughout the last half of the season. I hope he’s back next year.

  2. russellkanning permalink
    April 21, 2015 4:49 am

    he’s our Jingles

  3. Paul Johnson permalink
    April 9, 2018 9:16 pm


    Hayward: A 1940s farmboy about to join the army.

    Ingles: Looks like he was promoted from the stadium maintenance crew.

    Quin Snyder: The guy the spawn of Satan sent to prepare the Earth for his arrival. The dude that would kidnap the virgin witch to sacrifice in his crossover ritual.

    Rudy: You have to get someone to just fucking club Gobert.

    • April 11, 2018 3:37 am

      That Quin one is definitely one of the most creative ones ever.


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