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The Utah Jazz in Traffic Signs, Part 1

February 24, 2010

AK: No, it’s not what you’re thinking. It really should have been “5-Way,” but there was no such sign. So “4-Way” because AK can play 4 (but really all 5) positions, and because he fills up the box score with 4×4’s (but really closer to 5×5’s). The guy with the firearm/AK-47: self explanatory.

Boozer: A right and left arrow, because Boozer is probably the most ambidexterous player in the NBA. He is also injury-prone, so the two-headed arrow could also show the relationship between Boozer and the hospital. A win-win.

CJ and Phil: Self-explanatory, no? Phil has been raising CJ since he entered the league and always has a kind word for him. For more, click here (and scroll down to “The Grandfather” and “The Grandson”).

Deron: Crossover–self explanatory. “Pass With Care” is a reference to Deron’s could-be-lower (aka “disgusting” to his fantasy owners) TO rate.

Fes: Fes has apparently quit smoking this season after getting kicked off the Ukrainian national team last summer for allegedly taking smoke breaks during games.

Jerry: In the words manner of Chandler Bing, could this be any more Jerry Sloan?

Kyle Korver: How women in Utah see him, i.e. hot. This is the man that BBJ believes caused a spike in the Utahn birth rate nine months from the day he arrived in Salt Lake City, because wives were suddenly feeling a whole lot more amorous.

The Koof: This center has not yet been able to earn his stripes due to lack of playing time.

Memo: This one is the biggest stretch. I couldn’t find a traffic sign about money, and my second choice would have been a good curves-related sign in honor of Yeliz (couldn’t find one of those either). So this one is for the slow speed with which Memo drives into the paint.

OMSW: [people are still asking what “OMSW” stands for. It’s “Oh my sweet Wesley”–a Princess Bride reference. Credit: Shums] According to our defensive grading system, OMSW is our best defender. He will stop you.

Ronnie P: Ronnie P is not only speedy, but has major ups (“Ronnie Price climbs the ladder for the rebound!”). Hence, “runaway” and “ramp.”

Sap: All he does is work. Work work work work work.

Sundiata: As has been discussed on SLC Dunk, when Yatta hit that shot, he blasted the Jazz into an alternate reality where we win lots of games.

Coming up in Part 2: Former Jazzmen, some coaches and broadcasters, and a place and a vehicle.

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