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Why is it only August?!

August 7, 2009

So the biggest news in Jazzland is that Boozer has finally (hopefully not temporarily) shut his trap. Did the Jazz FO threaten him? Did the Jazz FO threaten Pelinka? Maybe FB hit his head on his foot while it was on the way to his mouth and he’s suffering from amnesia. Or maybe it was my digital voodoo. I posted one example previously, and here’s the entire collection–featuring methods ranging from duct tape to pacifiers to facial chastity belts. Whatever it takes.

It’s been pointed out that Utah and Miami are the only teams that have yet to sign a veteran free agent this summer. No trades seem imminent on the Jazz front, and it seems like a very real possibility that Boozer will start the season in a Jazz uniform that he really doesn’t deserve to wear (being the antithesis of a Jerry Sloan player and all). I’m therefore trying to recapture my optimism from this time last year, when I thought that this roster was so deep that it had a really real shot of going far in the Playoffs and maybe even all the way.

(The only real difference between last year and this year is the upgrade from Brev Brev to Maynor. Meanwhile, Collins’ most recent tweet was “maybe I don’t have to move” so take from that what you will.)

Anyway, recapturing past optimism is no easy task, because this time last year Boozer was merely a thorn in my side, whereas now he is a mutantly gigantic thorn in my side. We’ll see (not soon enough) how things shake out…

Onto some random odds and ends:

1. Three retired Jazzmen made this “NBA players that would of [sic] been awesome wrestlers” list:

1. Mark Eaton – Yes he would of killed people and buried them in the mountains.
19. John Stockton – Elbows of steel.
20. Karl Malone – He has done it before but he should of been tag team partners with Stockton. They would be called Pick & Roll of course.

2. The ’09-’10 national TV schedule for NBA games is out. You know what’s noteworthy? No UTA-NO game will be nationally televised. Is CP3 such a Stern darling that he can’t ever be allowed to look bad? Is this kinda like the whole Nike-LBJ-dunk tape fiasco? (Speaking of that: LBJ’s explanation is that it was Nike policy and he had nothing to do with it. Boozer isn’t the only one that makes things worse the more he talks. What can you expect? Those two grew up in the NBA together.) Anyway, back to the topic at hand. There are no UTA-NO games on the schedule even though I bet this is a “rivalry” that even casual NBA fans would want to watch. (I say “rivalry” with quotes because, well, it’s really not much of a rivalry when the record is 11-2 in favor of our boy.)

3. If Fes is really the answer in our quest to find the next Big White Hope, shouldn’t he be tearing it up against the other EuroBasket bottom feeders? Maybe I’m wrong about this, but I’m going with the assumption that since he’s the only semi-NBA player on the team, he should be “the star.” Fes went for 13 and 7 against Hungary in the Relegation Round (which determines which of the bottom feeders get dropped from Division A to Division B) and his team lost by 24. Next up: games against Estonia and Czech Republic.

4. Meanwhile, at the Hellas of Justice, the Koof looked about ready to bust out of his clothes, Hulk style. First look at his new 20 lbs. of muscle since his appearance on the Summer League bench:

Some interesting facts: The Koof is one of four “Konstantinos” on the Greek national team. There are also also three Ioannis’s, two Dimitrios’s, and two Nicholas/Nikolaos’s (including Nick Calathes). It appears that the creative baby naming trend (e.g. Carmelo, LeBron (which does NOT mean “the strength” in French), Dwyane, and of course, Deron) has not yet reached Greece. KK2 is also the youngest and and tallest of them all. (source)

5. China accuses Rick Adelman of destroying its national treasure:

“You can’t say that it’s because Yao Ming came back to China and played a few games in the Olympics that he went out and injured himself,” [Vice Minister of Sports] Cui said. “It was because he played in over 100 games in a row in the NBA. In using Yao, the Houston head coach played him too much, so he was injured.” (source)

Hilarious. If you’re so concerned about protecting your property, maybe you shouldn’t have let him out of the country in the first place. But if you hadn’t, you wouldn’t be collecting half his salary now, would you? Yao Ming is a person, NOT property!

6. The NBA recently announced that it is now allowing corporate sponsorships for practice jerseys. Fanhouse proposed specific advertisers for all 30 teams, the Jazz’s being “The Supreme Court. In honor of Jerry Sloan: On the bench for life.”

If Matty retires, I think the Jazz would be perfectly represented by Charmin. Obviously, I’m talking about Charmin Ultra Soft and NOT Charmin Ultra Strong, which has “outstanding durability.”

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