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Just STFU already.

July 28, 2009

WQAM Miami: Is there any way you call Utah and go, “Look, I understand you guys got the rights, I’ve been loyal to you [Carlos cackles]…is there any way you can get me down here with the Heat?”

FB: No, that’s not my style.

Never let it be said that Carlos Austin Boozer Jr. knows shame.

Opposite of newsflash: You know why Utah has “the rights,” Carlos? Has it pierced through your thick betrayal skull yet? Because you opted in. Greedy @#$@#%@.

I’ve been wanting FB gone this whole time. But the more he opens his yapping piehole, the more I want the Jazz to keep him–so that he can spend the entire season at the end of the bench in his warmups. When he does get playing time (due to injury), Jerry will yank his ass every time he jacks up a shot outside of the offense, commits an over the back foul, or misses a defensive assignment. He won’t be allowed to talk. Every time he breaks this rule, the Jazz will fine him $100,000. That way, they’ll get some of their money back, and my vindictive side (all right fine, I don’t have a vindictive side) will be satiated.

And Jazz fans: if FB is still on the Jazz roster when the season opens, don’t boo him (because he’ll think you’re cheering for him). Instead, chant “REFUND!! REFUND!!”

(There is a great deal more ridiculousness in the interview, like how it’s tough for him to get hit by taxes and how he’s going through a tough time financially because he only got paid $13 million last year. And how HIS team fell short despite his freaking awesome “individual Playoff run.” And of course the obligatory “DWade and I are BFFs” commentary. Oh, and CeCe is “my wife” again.)

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