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Carlos Boozer’s Whoring Diary

July 21, 2009

Just days after declaring his love for Chicago, the Bulls organization, and Stinking Rose in Chicago, Carlos declared his love for Miami, the Heat organization, and Dwaywawyane Wade in Miami.

Let’s compare and contrast FB’s passionate declarations to Chicago (ESPN 1000) and Miami (Miami Herald) [Updated 8/8 with quotes from FB’s subsequent interviews with Miami (WQAM) and Chicago (ESPN 1000)]:

The Jazz Don’t Want Me (KOC says the conversation never happened)
Chicago: “I had a talk with the Jazz and the Jazz told me they wanted to go in a different direction and I respected their decision and we mutually agreed to work out a trade…”
Miami: Boozer, 27, said he and the Jazz have ‘mutually agreed’ to a trade…
Miami Part II: “I was asked not to speak about that and let my agent and the Utah Jazz take care of that situation and getting me taken care of.”
Chicago Part II: “I can’t really speak about that right now.”

Would Love to Play for Team
Chicago: “But obviously if I did get traded to Chicago, I’d love to be a part of the Bulls” [repeated twice]; “If it happens, I’d be very happy.”
Miami: “It’s like paradise here, and I would love to be part of the Heat.” [repeated twice]
Miami Part II: [In response to “Is [Miami] an attractive place to come to, besides the fact that for young guys and single guys, we have South Beach and all the beautiful ladies and all that stuff?”] “Well, for players that come to the Heat, it’s very exciting for a couple different reasons. One, it has one of the top-notch organizations in the league, in our sport, and they’re run by Pat Riley*, they have a brand new coach in Eric Spoelstra who’s very exciting, plays very up-tempo, very excited to be a coach right now. He coaches with a lot of enthusiasm. And they have one of the best players in the game in Dwyane Wade, so if a player does come to the Miami Heat, they have a lot to look forward to on top of being in Miami. / Especially in this economy, with the lull that we’re having, obviously it’s a great (incentive) to not have to pay a state tax. As fortunate as we are to have the jobs that we do, it’s still tough when you’re getting hit by the taxes that we get hit by. And we’re all going through a tough time right now financially.”

Trade Timetable
Chicago: “I’m assuming to be traded here relatively soon or in good time.”
Miami: [Boozer] said there is no timetable [for a trade]. “I could be traded any second,” [mentioning] the Heat, Knicks and Bulls as potential destinations.
Miami Part II: “…you anticipate, you know, trying to figure out where you gonna be at, you get excited, at the same time, when you hear certain rumors…/That’s their call, they’re in control of that situation, obviously they will handle it in the best way that they can.”
Chicago Part II: “I was asked to let my agent and let the Jazz take care of the situation, and I’m gonna leave it at that and let them take care of it.”

Love for the Team and Players
Chicago: “…they have a very good group of talent there, and obviously Derrick Rose being the helm of that…”
Miami: “They’re a very good team, and I’m real close to some of the guys.”
Miami Part II: “And [Wade] knows that Pat Riley* is hungry to win, Pat Riley* one of the best champions that we’ve had in our sport in its entirety for a long time…and I’m a very good friend of DWade, and I wish them the best of luck.”

Best Buds with DWade
Chicago: “Well, me and D-Wade are very, very close. We talk quite a bit.”
Miami: “Dwyane and I started to get close at the Athens Olympics in 2004, and I’d love to play on his team.”
Miami Part II: “Yeah, we’re very close, we’re very good friends, we’ve been friends since ’04…we’re very close, our relationship has grown over the years.”

No. 1 Choice
Chicago: [In response to “Is that why the Bulls are your No. 1 team, you could recruit a guy like Wade?”] “I would definitely recruit.”
Miami: Miami is his No. 1 choice.
Chicago Part II: “Awwww no, I didn’t say that [Miami is my number one choice]. I didn’t say that. What I said was, if I was traded to Miami I would welcome that. I didn’t say they’d be my number one option. So I was misquoted there.”

Future with the Jazz
Miami Part II: [I’m guessing that you believe by the time the season starts though you’ll be moved, you don’t think you’ll be with the team?] “umNO.”
Chicago Part II: [[If you end up remaining with the Jazz, do] you anticipate no issues being able to do your thing there without any hard feelings?] “No, not at all.”

Chicago: Plugging his basketball camp (in Alaska) and telling parents (in Chicago) how to sign up
Miami: ”My wife [CeCe] and I first came here for tax reasons, and fell in love with it”
Miami Part II: [In response to question on whether he will talk to the Jazz about trading him to Miami] “No, that’s not my style. It’s not me and what we do…I’m staying out of it.”
Chicago Part II: [In response to “Would [Jim Paxson’s presence] be an issue for you coming here?”] “No, not at all.”

*Pat Riley was “turned off” by Boozer’s Public Declarations of Affection for Miami hwa hwa hwa. Riley: “I wasn’t really comfortable with it” and “I really don’t know what kind of agreement that he and Utah have. We have had conversations about a number of things, but there hasn’t been anything really, at all, nothing, about a trade for Carlos Boozer.”

Another thing: why on earth would Carlos be the one with “hard feelings” if the Jazz don’t trade him? He’s the one that dicked the Jazz. Similarly, if he ended up in Chicago, why on earth would would Paxson’s presence be an issue for him? He’s the one that dicked Paxson back in Cleveland.

In all seriousness, I can’t wait for Boozer’s next interview with Detroit/New York/New Jersey/whoever. First, so I can this add to this post. Second, because he’ll piss off ownership (which doesn’t like to be bullied) and the Jazz organization even more, and maybe (it IS possible) he’ll end up with his ass stuck to the bench behind whoever next season’s equivalent of Morris Almond is, and bye bye big fat contract. The bottom line is that the Jazz don’t have to play him. The Jazz don’t owe him anything. Why’s that? Oh yeah, because of his superdickery move of opting in and then trying to weasel his way out.

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