Pay Attention to Me!!!

OH FRICKIN’ MOTHER OF HOLY ATTENTION WHORES! I’VE BEEN OUT OF THE NEWS FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK!! I’M NOT ON THE FRONT PAGE OF ANYTHING!! SH*T SH*T SH*T…I BETTER DO SOMETHING FAST TO DRAW ATTENTION TO ME ME ME!!! BECAUSE THE ENTIRE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND ME ME ME…SHHH….(let me think of something to announce…something….anything…THINK BABY THINK! C’MON! I CAN DO IT!)

Exhibit A: Kobe Bryant–BIG ANNOUNCEMENT: I’m not getting surgery.

Exhibit B: Shaquille O’Neal–BIG ANNOUNCEMENT: I’m retiring in 735 days.

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