According to Yahoo! Sports, “the Utah Jazz appear willing to trade anyone on their roster but point guard Deron Williams.”

The article also says that Jerry has told the Front Office that he wants to keep Boozer around for the Playoffs (boo!; good one Jerry, as if we’re going to make the Playoffs), and that there are no takers for AK’s contract (yay!).

Whatever you want to do, just do it. Get a trade or trades done, like, yesterday. I’m so done with this team. I still tune in for every game, but all the passion and excitement is gone and I watch my screen with dead, jaded eyes. No mas.

The Jazz organization, as a whole, failed tonight.

The crux of my recap (in song form) is over at SLC Dunk.

Our announcers failed as well.

Deron got his 3,000th assist during the game, but from the way Boler was going on all night (“This could be it!!!”), it was as exciting as the night Stock got his 9,921st assist for the all-time record. 3,000 assists might be a big deal elsewhere, but certainly not in Utah (or to certain people outside Utah, i.e. me).

And…the graphics department failed as well.

I don’t know how much more of this I can take. The Jazz have sucked the life out of me, and as a result I don’t have even have the will or energy to rant. I am one with the Jazz: uninspired, indifferent, and apathetic.

It ain’t exactly rocket science.

Did I mention Chauncey and Melo didn’t even play? The Utah Jazz: Finding ways to redefine suck on a nightly basis.

BBJ over at SLC Dunk is doing a “Ten Days of Christmas” series in which he’s counting down the Top Ten Jazz stories of the year, so definitely go read that. Over here at the ever-frivolous Living and Dying by the Jazz, you’ll be getting the Top Ten Search Terms (that led people here) of the Year.

[Reading through the list, you may be inclined to believe that I'm making stuff up or have re-ranked the list for comic effect. I assure you, this is not the case.] Here we go:

10. Some Variation of “Just Kill Me” / “Just Kill Me Games” / “Kill Me Now Games”
What can I say…Googlers come to the right place–a Jazz blog–when they are seeking games that make you lose the will to live. This, for example. Or this. Or this.

9. Deron Williams Chin Strap / Beard
Maybe Deron is some kind of facial hair trendsetter and I just don’t know it. When he first started sporting the beard during the Beijing Olympics, I have to say I hated it. In fact, I even threw up a fanshot at SLCDunk polling the dunkers on it. Now, I look at old pictures of him and think he looks young and chubby without it. The power of the human mind to adapt is simply amazing.

8. Carlos Boozer’s Love Life (some variation of wife, girlfriend, divorce, and divorce reason)

As you all know by now, Boozer filed for divorce last spring and reconciled with CeCe over the summer. Moving on…

7. Rob Pelinka

For those that don’t know, Rob Lowe Pelinka is Boozer’s agent. I did one post on him, “Questionable Character Attracts Questionable Characters,” last summer when Boozer was on his Tour de Whore and Pelinka did nothing to shut him up. The two of them just have a whole buncha shady history between them.

6. Living and Dying by the Jazz / Jazz Fanatical
Self-explanatory: name of this blog [I now realize I should have made the URL and blog name, like, you know, the same, but too late now].

5. Kris Humphries’ Girlfriend
I believe I’ve only mentioned Humphries once in the entire history of this blog, and it was in passing. The bio on his official website does not mention a girlfriend or wife, but then again, it still lists him as a Raptor so it’s probably not the most up-to-date website on the Internet. Therefore, this is all I have to offer:

4. Good / Best FB Quotes
I’m assuming these people were looking for quotes to put in the “Quotes” section of their Facebook profiles, but down our way, FB Quotes refer to dumbass things that come out of Boozer’s mouth. You know, stuff like raise, regardless, I’m a starter, I was told I’d be traded, etc. Check out Top 5 Most Dumbass FB Quotes of ‘08-’09, aka the tip of the iceberg, if your curiosity is piqued.

3. Deron Williams’ Wife / Girlfriend

Deron’s then-girlfriend-now-wife Amy famously stole the show at the 2005 NBA Draft with her “smoking hotness,” which led to posts going up all over the Internet requesting pictures of her. Watch the draft video or click here for more.

2. Deron Williams’ Hair / Long Hair / Hairstyle

Hey, maybe Deron’s some kind of coiffurial trendsetter too. And I actually did once do a post on the evolution of his hair from high school until now. In my defense, it was May, there were six months of interminable no-Jazzness stretching out in front of me, and I was bored out of my mind.

And at Numero Uno (requisite drum roll)…: (New) Jazz Uniforms
I suppose that refers to the new green throwbacks we got going on this season:

For the record (Front Office, are you listening????), I prefer the purple. More here and here.

LOL Honorable Mentions:
–”David Stern’s mustache“
–”NBA players shaved armpits“
–”Mrs. Bryant ring”
–and the piece de resistance…”did carlos boozer do masha“

So there you have it, Living and Dying by the Jazz’s Year in Search Terms. Cheers.

For the recap, click on the image below:

If you’re Jim O’Brien, how, I mean seriously HOW do you not play Roy Hibbert at least 30 minutes every night? As a former/current/sometimes Hibbert fantasy owner, I did a little number crunching and found that his production doubles across the board when he plays more than 29 minutes versus when he plays less than 29 minutes.

It works out to be a difference of about 12 minutes per game (he averages 20 MPG when he plays less than 29 minutes and 32 minutes when he plays more than 29 MPG), but his production differs as follows:

Less than 29 MPG (23 games):
44% FG, 1.8 FTA, 4.8 REB, 1.3 AST, .1 ST, 1 BLK, 8.2 PPG

More than 29 MPG (8 games):
58% FG, 4.1 FTA, 9.1 REB, 2 AST, .9 ST, 3 BLK, 15.5 PPG

I would guess foul trouble can often play a factor, but still, crazy. We (Jazz fans) were/are constantly calling for more PT for The Koof last year and now Fes, but neither have shown anything like this, and Hibbert often doesn’t even get PT.

Now I have something to wear for the New Year!

Random Ramble 1:
Regarding shirt on left, C says that Stock’s shorts are too long and that Karl doesn’t look anything like Karl. I say that Karl’s arms are too skinny and wonder why the artist decided to mix-and-match 40-year old John and Karl’s faces (seriously, that’s old John and shaved head Karl) with “J” note uniforms.

Random Ramble 2:
Have I ever mentioned that I am an absolute sucker and will buy anything that says “Jazz” or has the Jazz logo on it? The other day, I bought this black hoodie that said “Jazz ____” even though I can’t make out the second word (I think it might be “-eous”; C thinks it says “Club,” so that tells you how ridiculous the purchase was).

So my original point, which got lost as usual, is that I keep buying random Jazz paraphernalia even though and when 1) American websites like to gouge out the eyes of international addressees with their shipping charges; 2) all the smaller sizes are sold out and only Men’s XXL, which hangs on me like a floor-length muumuu nightgown, is available. I have not, however, sunk to the level of purchasing pink glitter items.

Aaaaaaanyway, happy new year everyone and

GO JAZZ!!!!

It’s a belated Christmas miracle!! The Jazz beat the Peskies!! See what happens Jazzmen when you actually play the third quarter?

Wow Jazz do you suck.

Love conquers all.

[shaking head]….well, the Jazz didn’t lose, but they most certainly did not win.

(This is the kind of post that happens when the all-powerful NBA schedule deity gives me–and by “me,” I mean the Jazz–three days off in a row.)

1. As a Jazz/NBA/sports fan, every move or decision (or lack of) made by or affecting your team can cement your idea/belief/absolute conviction that you are so much smarter than the players/front office/league office.

Right now, I’m questioning the intelligence of certain players (Stephen Jackson) and certain player agents (Nate Robinson’s). Captain Jack got fined at the start of the season for saying that he wanted to be traded, while Robinson got fined after his agent voiced a similar desire (even though Robinson himself has repeatedly said that he wants to stay in NY and has been “one of the team’s biggest cheerleaders“).

OK, so maybe some players don’t read newspapers/know how to get online/gossip while getting their hair did, but isn’t it the job of agents to keep abreast of industry news? Didn’t anyone learn anything from Carlos Boozer’s Summer ‘09 Tour de Whore? If you want to be traded, just preface everything you say with “I was told that I would be traded” before talking about where you want to go and who you’re best friends with, and you’re good. It’s Professional Assthlete 101 and couldn’t be simpler. Save your money, NBA players. After all, in this economy, everyone’s in a financial crunch, right?

2. Speaking of all that, Boozer said this past week, “I’d be blindsided by (a trade). I think there’s a really good chance I’ll be here (with the Jazz) the rest of this season.”

I’ll give credit where credit is due. Boozer has largely been nice and silent this season so far. He is, however, not averse to playing with fire. It’s kind of like a cheating husband that promises his wife he’ll never cheat again. However, when he starts getting into a flirtation with a co-worker at the office, instead of extricating himself from the situation so that he doesn’t go down the same road again, he gives in to temptation and wallows in it as it develops into something more.

I suppose Boozer has every right to speak his mind, but given his track record, you would think there are some subjects he would avoid talking about. Of course, that’s assuming that he actually realizes that Summer ‘09 Tour de Whore was a bad idea and that he messed up, and actually learned something from the debacle. Which it appears he has not.

3. David Locke brought up a really good point in his blog the other day:

First, CJ is the only player on the roster who has not touched the top floor of his ability. Most of our guys are improving with maturity and experience, but CJ is the one talent who still has a lot left in his game and seems to have a completely different level that he can attain.

This definitely gave me pause for thought. It’s just so true. You look at our roster and yeah, there are guys (Fes/the Koof/OMSW) that can benefit from added experience or playing time, but talent- or skill-wise, they’re pretty much capped out. CJ…I think there’s more to CJ.

You figure that there’s got to be some reason(s) why the coaching staff, down to the last man, fought to keep him when OKC signed him to an offer sheet that I–and I believe many other fans–thought that there was no way in hell the Jazz would match. The guy that brought CJ to the attention of OKC was a former Jazz guy, and at the time it really seemed like CJ was just too immature or “didn’t really get it” enough to be worth that money. I for one am glad now that he’s still around, and man oh man–it feels good to see a J being launched by a natural shooter wearing a Jazz uniform this year (seeing as how I reached my quota on Brewer, Boozer, Memo, AK, and sometimes even DWill jumpers about two weeks into the season).

4. Luhmy reports that if Deron keeps pace with his season assist average, he will become the 4th player in franchise history to reach 3,000 assists vs. Denver on January 2nd. A huge coincidence here is that Deron and Stock will have both reached this milestone in their respective 341st career games.

At first I thought to myself, how is it possible that Deron and Stock would reach the milestone in the same game since Stock was a backup (unbelievable right?) until his 4th season? So I looked it up and it’s because Stock averaged 13.8 and 13.6 APG in his fourth and fifth seasons, respectively.

Just as a side note, John Stockton averaged freaking 8.2 assists in 23 minutes per game off the bench in his third season. It’s astounding. It’s staggering. It’s…well, it’s dumb of me to measure him against mere mortals. (This is where you say, “Word!”)

5. Finally, I do not have a good feeling about the whole Sloan-AK situation. First (or maybe it was second, I can’t remember which came first), Jerry critized AK’s defense a few weeks ago saying something to the effect that he gambles too much on D. Then, he was quoted five days ago talking about how AK is no longer playing at All-Star level* and that he’s lost all the weight he gained during the summer.

And then yesterday, this:

With three-tenths of a second left in the first half and Utah owning a 48-38 lead, Kirilenko was called for fouling Andre Iguodala as he launched a shot from half court. It was one of the most unnecessary fouls I’ve seen in a long time, considering the Jazz had just fought off a Philadelphia rally and reclaimed a 10-point lead.

On the bench, Sloan’s face turned red and, if I can read lips, he was more than a little upset with Kirilenko.

After Iguodala missed two of his three free throws, Kirilenko jogged off the the floor. But Sloan didn’t say anything to him. Instead, he turned toward the locker room precisely as Kirilenko ran past him.

If Sloan criticized Kirilenko, he did it in the privacy of the Jazz’s locker room, which reinforced the feeling I’ve had since A.K.’s tearful meltdown during the 2007 playoffs.

I’ve always thought part of the original truce between player and coach involved Sloan agreeing to not publicly criticize Kirilenko. (sltrib)

I don’t know what’s going on and I really hope I’m just being paranoid, but if something is, please Jerry for frak’s sake build AK up if he needs to be built up. Seeing as how, you know, he’s vital to winning.

*I’m not making excuses for AK because, yes, at times he is a shadow of his former self, but come on, the coaches completely changed AK’s role on the team while the Front Office went and signed Boozer to hog all the minutes at the 4, and someone actually has expectations that AK’s production would remain at All-Star level? That’s unrealistic and well, uh, dumb.

…we have Eric Maynor in a OKC Thunder uniform. (I couldn’t help myself.)