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Leftovers: An in-depth analysis of the Jazz’s offensive and defensive woes this season

May 25, 2011
tags: ,

aka Unintentional Dirty Hand Machines.

First, let’s a look at the Jazz’s game-losing defense in the 2010-2011 season:

Certainly nothing to write home about. Our wily old vet, Francisco Elson, employed a different approach:

He’s going to defend you whether you like it or not. The other Jazzmen don’t call him “Sensei” for nothing.

Poor Memo. Only his third game back, and he was dealing with this:

Back in the day, many of us felt frustrated/depressed/suicidal/murderous when watching Carlos Boozer on defense. Many of us are watching the Playoffs and feeling cheerful/vindicated/outright cackly when watching Carlos Boozer on defense…and, truth be told, offense as well. With examples like the following, it’s no wonder that Coach Thibs has taken to benching him during crunch time.

Boozer’s the one on offense, but he’s playing Jazz defense. Always so much confusion where Boozer and defense are concerned, n’est-ce pas mes cheris?

Speaking of Bulls players, Omer Asik was so affronted by LaMarcus Aldridge’s treatment of Memo that he decided to avenge his countryman by pulling an unsuspecting Fes’ shorts down. Fes likely did not appreciate this or being just plain molested when all he’s doing is trying to “play the basketball”:

At least he has Raja’s appreciation…

A team whose defensive system deserves mention is the Denver Nuggets:

Jazz players may not have liked being defended in this manner [insert your own Joakim Noah comment here], but Matt Harpring was probably having a good ol’ time yelling “Hut one, hut two!” at the scorer’s table.

While going through pictures, I came across several of CJ. [FYI, this is where this post jumps the triplicate shark (long, high, and no-step vertical) to win the gold medal in shark-jumping]. CJ’s problems with consistency have been well-documented. As can be seen below, he is all over the place on the court.

First we have CJ on offense (L) scouting the opponent and (R) being scouted by the opponent.

CJ on defense? (L) Still being scouted by the opponent. We also see opponents (R) passing the time while guarding CJ by making shadow puppets. I believe those are twin giraffes.

Finally, we have CJ’s…

It would be negligent of me to end this post without this one, aka saving the best for last:

Jazz offense at its finest.

(It’s true, what you’re thinking. I am such an expert basketball analyst.)

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. SurlyMae permalink
    May 25, 2011 11:26 pm

    You had me literally laughing out loud with this one! My bosses couldn’t resist coming to my desk to see what they were missing out on. (Too bad they’re not Jazz fans.) Thanks for starting my hump day off right.

  2. prodigal punk permalink
    May 26, 2011 12:19 am

    *slow clap*

  3. Jazzy Girl permalink
    May 26, 2011 1:26 am

    Happy;) I miss Fes, thank you.

  4. shandonfan permalink
    May 26, 2011 7:18 am

    Incredible. Simply incredible.

  5. May 29, 2011 5:16 am

    lol, this is great stuff.
    If this was SLC Dunk, I would ‘rec’ this post.
    Since I can’t do that, I’ll just let you know I would if I could. ;)

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