Jazz Fans (Bloggers) Have Never Been This United

In chronological order:

Jazzing It Up

Please, be quiet.

The Cowhide Globe

Seriously, shut-up!

Living and Dying by the Jazz

Just STFU already

True Blue Jazz

Shut the fVck up and play…Seriously, just shut the fVck up…

SLC Dunk

“Boozer, I wish you would shut your big yapper!”

JazzBots

Dude, just shut up.

On a side note, David Locke is trying to convince listeners that ESPN Chicago got FB on the air under false pretenses (by saying that the interview would be about his basketball camp) and poor FB got bamboozled when they started asking him free agency questions. Meanwhile, 1280’s morning show is on a mission to get Boozer on the air, and has left Pelinka something like 15 voice mails so far.

Note: The pacifier in the picture above is 14K gold and studded with diamonds, and has a price tag of $17,000. I hope Boozer can afford such a luxury, with the economy the way it is…

Questionable Character Attracts Questionable Characters

(Nice profile picture, Pelinka. It’s not douchey at all.)

Every time FB opens his yapping piehole, my two reactions are “STFU!” and a kind of surprise that his agent doesn’t tell him to STFU. But it’s clear by now that his agent, Rob Pelinka, has to be completely on board with this “I would love to play in X city and DWade is my Valentine” world tour strategy FB has been giving 115% to.

Many people remember that FB’s original agent dropped FB after he reneged on his verbal commitment to the Cavs due to the firestorm of criticism from the press, other agents, and people around the league, and concerns that “Boozer’s betrayal would sully the reputation of the agency [SFX] and prevent them from conducting good faith negotiations with league owners in the future.” (It was the first time that SFX ever fired a client.) However, few remember/know that Pelinka was that agent, and he quietly asked FB back just weeks later, and re-signed FB as a client as soon as people stopped talking about it.

Less than a year after all this went down, the CEO of SFX and arguably the most influential agent in sports, Arn Tellum*, left for Wasserman Media Group and took all his clients with him. Pelinka was the only SFX agent excluded from the deal: Wasserman Chair and CEO Casey Wasserman said at the time, “It is safe to say that if I wanted Rob Pelinka and his clients to be part of this acquisition they would have been. This was not an accident.” Being the only guy left, Pelinka was promoted to SFX President.

Because SFX had dropped FB as a client, he wasn’t required to pay the 4% agent’s fee (around $3 mill) on his Jazz contract. However, CeCe told Esquire that they’d put that money away and would pay it to Pelinka if he ever started his own firm, and that “we’re not going to see one cent going to SFX.” [Incidentally, the Esquire article also said that Boozer's ass would not be out of place on a horse. How apt.] Pelinka responded by saying that he had “no idea” why she said that…

…though he possibly had a better idea than he was letting on. After SFX fired FB, Pelinka told him, “I’m going to have to stay; I can’t go out on my own.” Now, with Boozer promising him 3 mill, he somehow found a way to go out on his own, establishing the Landmark Sports Agency. On Landmark’s website, it lists its “Vision,” which includes

To foster integrity and intelligence in decision-making — legally, professionally and ethically.

That Pelinka, he’s always good for a laugh. (Seriously, this guy make Sap’s agents seem likeable in comparison.)

Pelinka’s client list is a veritable who’s who of questionable characters, shady contract dealings, and injury–players like K*be, Maggette, Sashagirl Vujacic, Fisher, Kaman, and Gerald Wallace. In sum: questionable character attracts questionable characters.** Let the FB debacle be a lesson to any team considerng a Pelinka player. Don’t expect integrity or intelligence, professionalism or adherence to ethics. Do expect him to tell his client to opt in and then demand a trade. Do expect him to stand idly by and watch his client decimate any negotiation leverage. What does he care? They’ve both been paid.

*Tellum was named the most influential agent in sports by the Sports Business Journal and the Sporting News in 2006. He was also the only NBA player agent named to The Sporting News “50 Most Influential People in Sports Business” in 2004 and 2005 and was recognized as the industry’s top agent by the magazine from 2003-2006 (source); Wasserman currently represents around 50 NBA players.

**Expecting to go somewhere between 9th and 19th in the first round of the draft, Boozer left Duke after his junior year. However, he wasn’t selected until mid-way through the second round. Who convinced Boozer that he was possibly a lottery pick, and that it was a good idea to leave Duke early? Who was his agent? You guessed it. It was Pelinka.

Just STFU already.

WQAM Miami: Is there any way you call Utah and go, “Look, I understand you guys got the rights, I’ve been loyal to you [Carlos cackles]…is there any way you can get me down here with the Heat?”

FB: No, that’s not my style.

Never let it be said that Carlos Austin Boozer Jr. knows shame.

Opposite of newsflash: You know why Utah has “the rights,” Carlos? Has it pierced through your thick betrayal skull yet? Because you opted in. Greedy @#$@#%@.

I’ve been wanting FB gone this whole time. But the more he opens his yapping piehole, the more I want the Jazz to keep him–so that he can spend the entire season at the end of the bench in his warmups. When he does get playing time (due to injury), Jerry will yank his ass every time he jacks up a shot outside of the offense, commits an over the back foul, or misses a defensive assignment. He won’t be allowed to talk. Every time he breaks this rule, the Jazz will fine him $100,000. That way, they’ll get some of their money back, and my vindictive side (all right fine, I don’t have a vindictive side) will be satiated.

And Jazz fans: if FB is still on the Jazz roster when the season opens, don’t boo him (because he’ll think you’re cheering for him). Instead, chant “REFUND!! REFUND!!”

(There is a great deal more ridiculousness in the interview, like how it’s tough for him to get hit by taxes and how he’s going through a tough time financially because he only got paid $13 million last year. And how HIS team fell short despite his freaking awesome “individual Playoff run.” And of course the obligatory “DWade and I are BFFs” commentary. Oh, and CeCe is “my wife” again.)

End of July Odds and Ends

1. Two days ago, I get to work and find that I’ve been assigned a translation…on K*be and his Asian tour. Given the complete and utter lack of quality control at the office, you have no idea how much self-control it took to refrain from inserting the words “Colorado” and “million dollar ring” into the translation. Due to the poorly written and often ambiguous original (like I said, no quality control), one of my translated lines read, “Through a skills demonstration, Bryant proved that he is the best guard on the Los Angeles Lakers.”

Thanks to idiot Asian nations/fans treating K*be like he is some kind of un-smug and likeable star, news coverage on his tour is not ignorable. So the next day, I am grieviously and thoroughly insulted by my very own father, who asks me, “Who’s that basketball player you like? Is it K*be?” (This is stating the obvious, but Dad does not follow basketball–despite all the screaming, certifiably insane fanatics in the family).

2. Via TrueHoop, Basketball Reference has added transactions to player pages. Truehoop wondered whether former Jazzman and lots-of-other-teams-man Tony Massenburg’s page required BBR to acquire additional server space. Let’s take a look at the transaction part of his page:

Now let’s take a look at Stock’s page:

(Cue sappy song with the words “miss/missing” and “you” in the title.)

3. Tell me if this sounds familiar. NBA All-Star and Olympian with close ties to Deron Williams discusses his financial fate with a highly-respected sports journalist named Chris. When the story is published, the All-Star/Olympian denies all of the quotes attributed to him, and accuses Chris of being a liar and making everything up. To defend himself, a wronged Chris is forced to release the tape of the interview, which proves that the All-Star/Olympian is, in fact, the only liar in the room. This is the story also known as:

Chris Paul pulls a Carlos Boozer.

Saying your comments were taken out of context or misinterpreted is one thing, but flat out denying that you ever said them, when they’re on tape? That makes you a liar.

Calling out the reporter that printed them by name, and accusing him of making it up? That makes you a jerk, too.
…
Chris Paul owes Chris Tomasson an apology.

One wonders whether FB ever apologized to Chris Sheridan. Meanwhile, over in Miami, you know Carlos is rubbing his hands together and snickering to himself that CP3 is now be the freshest “f*cked it up” memory in everyone’s minds.

4. Got a kick out of these quotes from LBJ’s new book on his high school years:
–”We had become big-headed jerks, me in particular”
–”I was arrogant, dubbing myself ‘The Chosen One’”

I love his usage of the past tense, as though “big-headed” and “arrogant” were phases he went through, as though these terms are no longer accurate depictions of him. Is that super elegant and humble “Chosen 1″ tattoo not still decorating his back? (And incidentally, Nike has never looked so foolish as when it released that statement on why they were giving the dunk tapes back to their rightful owners.)

5. DWade doesn’t want Carlos either: “There’s a lot of excitement going on with Lamar and Carlos and even A.I.,” Wade said Tuesday during his summer camp at Nova Southeastern University. “I think Lamar right now is our big focus. We want to make sure ultimately we get Lamar, and go from there.”

6. Does Brev Brev feel like it’s time to hang ‘em up, or is he only preparing for that eventuality? According to USA Today, Brev Brev is one of six mostly old “Huh? They’re still in the league?” NBA players taking part in a broadcasting career program at Syracuse that will help the players “learn and practice television studio delivery, interviews, field reporting and game coverage on and around the SU campus.”

Carlos Boozer’s Whoring* Diary, Cont.

In the wake of his interviews in Chicago and Miami, Carlos decided it was time to broadcast his desperation desires to the entire world.

In CHINA, FB told the Guangdong Gazette:
To be honest, I’ve never liked sitting down to take a dump, which is why, obviously, I feel that a country full of squat toilets would be ideal for me and my family. There are so many reasons why I would love to play in China. I’ve always felt that communism was the best way to run a country. Also, coming from Alaska, I’ve never had the opportunity to experience pollution firsthand. Yo, Guangdong Southern Tigers, I hear y’all looking for a PF to replace Yi. Holla baby! Also, I saw a lot of hot women while I was in Beijing for the Olympics and obviously since my wife and I mutually agreed to divorce, I’m technically kind of single, which is good enough for me.

 

At DUKE, FB told the Duke Daily:
I am committed to going back to school and finishing my degree. I still have one year of eligibility left, and I would love to play for Coach K again. Even though the Olympics didn’t really work out, he and I are very, very close. Duke is my number one choice. North Carolina was my second home, and it’s where I met my wife. I think that I can, obviously, bring leadership to the team as a veteran presence, and I would love to bring the championship title back to Duke.

 

In GERMANY, FB told Germany Today:
The Jazz and I mutually agreed to go in different directions, so here I am. I was born here and it’s obviously my first home. Lots of Germans and I became very, very close back in the day. I’ve always been an admirer of the country that produced such tough, rugged NBA players, obviously players like Dirk. I would love to play in Europe, and Germany especially, and return to my roots. I feel that Germany and I are the perfect fit because I am a huge David Hasselhoff fan. Oh and by the way, everyone sign up for my basketball camp in Miami! Parents, feel free to drop off your kids on the day of if you happen to be in the neighborhood!

 

Back STATESIDE to start more rumors, FB told the White House Media Affairs Office:
Barry O’s personal aide, Reggie Love, is a very good friend of mine. He recently told me that they are looking for players for the White House Rec League, and since the Jazz and I mutually agreed to part ways, I immediately knew that this situation would be very beneficial to me and my family. As an Olympian, obviously, I have a great grasp on foreign affairs and I will encourage Barry to assert himself more as a leader because the president is like the quarterback of our nation. At the same time, obviously, I look forward to asserting myself as a leader in the league.

 

Back to his world tour, FB heads to ISRAEL and tells the Israeli Post:
I am very, very close with both Dee Brown and Carlos Arroyo, who are two of the most athletic guards I have ever had the pleasure of playing with. By the way, I am also, obviously, really good friends with DWade. Anyway, Maccabi Tel Aviv would really just be the perfect situation for me and my family and it’s my number one choice. At the same time, as an American and a leader of the free world, not to mention a two-time Olympian along with DWade, I look forward to asserting my leadership in the Gaza Strip, as I would, obviously, add a lot to the region.

 

To close out his first World Tour, FB spoke with CNN:
I have always wanted to see outer space and I would love to play on Mars for the Martian League. I love the laid-back attitude and quality of life on Mars and the sun there is so much better than the sun in Miami. It would be an educational experience for me and my family, and the absence of taxation on the planet makes Mars very attractive to me. I am very excited to begin the next chapter of my life after, obviously, the Jazz and I mutually agreed for me to be traded.

 

*Apologies to whores for the comparison to Carlos Boozer.

Carlos Boozer’s Whoring Diary

Just days after declaring his love for Chicago, the Bulls organization, and Stinking Rose in Chicago, Carlos declared his love for Miami, the Heat organization, and Dwaywawyane Wade in Miami.

Let’s compare and contrast FB’s passionate declarations to Chicago (ESPN 1000) and Miami (Miami Herald) [Updated 8/8 with quotes from FB's subsequent interviews with Miami (WQAM) and Chicago (ESPN 1000)]:

The Jazz Don’t Want Me (KOC says the conversation never happened)
Chicago: “I had a talk with the Jazz and the Jazz told me they wanted to go in a different direction and I respected their decision and we mutually agreed to work out a trade…”
Miami: Boozer, 27, said he and the Jazz have ‘mutually agreed’ to a trade…
Miami Part II: “I was asked not to speak about that and let my agent and the Utah Jazz take care of that situation and getting me taken care of.”
Chicago Part II: “I can’t really speak about that right now.”

Would Love to Play for Team
Chicago: “But obviously if I did get traded to Chicago, I’d love to be a part of the Bulls” [repeated twice]; “If it happens, I’d be very happy.”
Miami: “It’s like paradise here, and I would love to be part of the Heat.” [repeated twice]
Miami Part II: [In response to "Is [Miami] an attractive place to come to, besides the fact that for young guys and single guys, we have South Beach and all the beautiful ladies and all that stuff?”] “Well, for players that come to the Heat, it’s very exciting for a couple different reasons. One, it has one of the top-notch organizations in the league, in our sport, and they’re run by Pat Riley*, they have a brand new coach in Eric Spoelstra who’s very exciting, plays very up-tempo, very excited to be a coach right now. He coaches with a lot of enthusiasm. And they have one of the best players in the game in Dwyane Wade, so if a player does come to the Miami Heat, they have a lot to look forward to on top of being in Miami. / Especially in this economy, with the lull that we’re having, obviously it’s a great (incentive) to not have to pay a state tax. As fortunate as we are to have the jobs that we do, it’s still tough when you’re getting hit by the taxes that we get hit by. And we’re all going through a tough time right now financially.”

Trade Timetable
Chicago: “I’m assuming to be traded here relatively soon or in good time.”
Miami: [Boozer] said there is no timetable [for a trade].
politico.com: “I could be traded any second,” [mentioning] the Heat, Knicks and Bulls as potential destinations.
Miami Part II: “…you anticipate, you know, trying to figure out where you gonna be at, you get excited, at the same time, when you hear certain rumors…/That’s their call, they’re in control of that situation, obviously they will handle it in the best way that they can.”
Chicago Part II: “I was asked to let my agent and let the Jazz take care of the situation, and I’m gonna leave it at that and let them take care of it.”

Love for the Team and Players
Chicago: “…they have a very good group of talent there, and obviously Derrick Rose being the helm of that…”
Miami: “They’re a very good team, and I’m real close to some of the guys.”
Miami Part II: “And [Wade] knows that Pat Riley* is hungry to win, Pat Riley* one of the best champions that we’ve had in our sport in its entirety for a long time…and I’m a very good friend of DWade, and I wish them the best of luck.”

Best Buds with DWade
Chicago: “Well, me and D-Wade are very, very close. We talk quite a bit.”
Miami: “Dwyane and I started to get close at the Athens Olympics in 2004, and I’d love to play on his team.”
Miami Part II: “Yeah, we’re very close, we’re very good friends, we’ve been friends since ‘04…we’re very close, our relationship has grown over the years.”

No. 1 Choice
Chicago: [In response to "Is that why the Bulls are your No. 1 team, you could recruit a guy like Wade?"] “I would definitely recruit.”
Miami: Miami is his No. 1 choice.
Chicago Part II: “Awwww no, I didn’t say that [Miami is my number one choice]. I didn’t say that. What I said was, if I was traded to Miami I would welcome that. I didn’t say they’d be my number one option. So I was misquoted there.”

Future with the Jazz
Miami Part II: [I'm guessing that you believe by the time the season starts though you'll be moved, you don't think you'll be with the team?] “umNO.”
Chicago Part II: [[If you end up remaining with the Jazz, do] you anticipate no issues being able to do your thing there without any hard feelings?] “No, not at all.”

Highlight
Chicago: Plugging his basketball camp (in Alaska) and telling parents (in Chicago) how to sign up
Miami: ”My wife [CeCe] and I first came here for tax reasons, and fell in love with it”
Miami Part II: [In response to question on whether he will talk to the Jazz about trading him to Miami] “No, that’s not my style. It’s not me and what we do…I’m staying out of it.”
Chicago Part II: [In response to "Would [Jim Paxson's presence] be an issue for you coming here?”] “No, not at all.”

*Pat Riley was “turned off” by Boozer’s Public Declarations of Affection for Miami hwa hwa hwa. Riley: “I wasn’t really comfortable with it” and “I really don’t know what kind of agreement that he and Utah have. We have had conversations about a number of things, but there hasn’t been anything really, at all, nothing, about a trade for Carlos Boozer.”

Another thing: why on earth would Carlos be the one with “hard feelings” if the Jazz don’t trade him? He’s the one that dicked the Jazz. Similarly, if he ended up in Chicago, why on earth would would Paxson’s presence be an issue for him? He’s the one that dicked Paxson back in Cleveland.

In all seriousness, I can’t wait for Boozer’s next interview with Detroit/New York/New Jersey/whoever. First, so I can this add to this post. Second, because he’ll piss off the Millers (who don’t like to be bullied) and the Jazz organization even more, and maybe (it IS possible) he’ll end up with his ass stuck to the bench behind whoever next season’s equivalent of Morris Almond is, and bye bye big fat contract. [I can totally see Greg Miller ordering this course of action.] The bottom line is that the Jazz don’t have to play him. The Jazz don’t owe him anything. Why’s that? Oh yeah, because of his superdickery move of opting in and then trying to weasel his way out.

Dear Utah Jazz,

Sincerely,

Living and Dying by the Jazz

Sap’s agents

[Note: Some of this was originally part of the last "Odds and Ends" post, but it really should be its own post.]

There’s been a lot of talk about the professionalism (or lack of) of Sap’s uncleagent (Simmons) and “professional” agent (Vartanian). Both have spent the past 2+ weeks making borderline ridiculous statements about Sap’s game and/or levying accusations against the Jazz management. Now that Sap has officially spoken about staying in Utah, let’s take a look at the BEFORE/AFTER world as told by Simmons/Vartanian:

Instance 1.
Before:
–”Paul Millsap has got more game than anyone knows. People just haven’t seen it because he played in a structured offense (in Utah). But he can shoot, and I’m talking (range from) NBA three.” …[Vartanian] says he can play three positions – small forward, power forward and center – and has an outside shot that was rarely, if ever seen in Utah because coach Jerry Sloan wanted him to anchor the paint. (Ara Vartanian; source)

–”And he thinks he is a great fit [in Portland]*. I think he is the missing piece for them. He could have really helped in that (playoff) series against Houston.” (Vartanian; source)

After:
–”We know Paul fits in well with the way coach (Jerry) Sloan coaches” (Vartanian; source) / “But obviously he fits in Utah” (Vartarian; source)

In Sum:
First Jerry is holding Sap back by not allowing him to shoot 3s or show off his full arsenal of skillz; now he fits in well with the way Jerry coaches.

Instance 2.
Before:
–[Vartarian] said Millsap and McMillan have already engaged in lengthy conversations about his role…”They discussed at length at how to use Paul,” Vartanian said. “I think they already have a good relationship.” (source)

After:
–When speaking to the media on Saturday, “Millsap revealed that he never talked with Blazers general manager Kevin Pritchard or coach Nate McMillan as part of the process.”

In Sum:
Vartanian lies.

Instance 3.
Before:
–”He still has a little despair*, still is a little bit disappointed about the situation. Because (the Jazz) really played hardball, and he wasn’t paid attention to. To not set a value on their player and let someone else do it is questionable.” (DeAngelo Simmons; source)

–”And I know there are people who want to say this is all about the money, but it isn’t. Paul wants to win.” (Vartanian; source)

–”Shawn Marion never rebounded for you. Varejao never sprawled on the floor for you. They never took a charge for you. Why let those guys set the market for you?” (Simmons; source)

After:
–”…so we’re excited about [Utah matching].” (Vartanian; source)

In Sum:
Here we have the two agents contradicting each other. One says Sap wants the money; the other says he wants to win. / First Sap is filled with despair* + thinks he’s “a great fit” with Portland; now he’s excited about staying in Utah.

*For the record Part 1: Sap himself told reporters at DWill’s charity golf fundraiser, “I would love to be here.” After the Jazz matched, it came out that he “never managed to picture himself playing for the Trail Blazers” and he “went to great lengths to distance himself from [his agents'] remarks.” Sap also said, 1. “Everything about Utah is a better situation for me and this ball club. I’m right where I want to be, back in Utah. I love it here and I can’t wait to get back on the court”; 2.“a lot of things were said that are not true.” Seriously, how often do you hear players calling out their agents?!

---

Given my questions about the professionalism/experience of Sap’s reps**, I was curious about who else they represent. According to Draft Express, Simmons’ only other client is Nikoloz Tskitishvili, who currently plays in Spain, and Vartanian’s only other clients are the aforementioned Tskitishvili, and (former?) D-League player Mike Efevberha.

For the record Part 2: I think KOC did exactly the right thing–offering a reasonable contract (reportedly around 7.5 mill per, which I think is right on the money), and not getting into a bidding war with themselves. I know it’s stupid and irrational, but every time Sap’s agents opened their mouths, my opinion of Sap dropped a little. Good thing that’s all over.

**”[The process] was more stressful for me than it was for [Millsap]. He kept me calm a lot of times, so that was a good thing.”–Simmons