PAGING CARLOS BOOZER

Carlos, let me just remind you of something you said a few years back:

“…I pride myself on my integrity and my honor. I want people to perceive me as a man of my word and a man of great integrity.”

Now let me remind you of something you said six months ago:

“I’m opting out. No matter what, I’m going to get a raise regardless. I am going to opt out, I don’t see why I wouldn’t.”

Now, with just hours remaining until the opt-out deadline, be and show that you are an integrity- and honor-filled man of your word, and opt out like you said you would. DO IT. Much obliged.

Jazz Draft History: Fashion and Girlfriend Edition

For the past quarter-century, our very own Mailman has, without fail, scored a mention in every single discussion worldwide on one particular topic: draft day suits. So let’s just go ahead and give him the “Most Memorable Draft Day Suit” award.

Which player, however, is able to lay claim to the super ultra-coveted “Best Draft Day Suit in Utah Jazz History” title? There aren’t as many contenders as you’d think–the reason being a two-decade long lottery famine. Karl Malone (drafted in ‘85) was the Jazz’s last in-the-green-room lottery pick until we scored DWill in ‘05. And since then, we’ve added only one more to the list: Ronnie B in ‘06.

The only other candidate I could find* was Thurl Bailey (‘83), who apparently wore a name tag in case people didn’t know who he was:

So…no offense to the Mailman or Thurl, but we really only have two finalists to choose from. I’d stick up a poll here, but it’d be rather embarrassing when it closes two weeks from now and only one vote has been cast.

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If Karl’s suit is the biggest off-topic story in Jazz draft history, the second is no doubt the smoking hotness of DWill’s then-girlfriend-now-wife Amy. (DWill’s draft video is here.)

Bill Simmons: “Deron has the hottest girlfriend since Casey Jacobsen’s girlfriend turned Craig Sager to jello in the 2002 draft.”

NBA Blog: Another sidebar: How H-O-T was Deron Williams’ girlfriend/wife? I love this game.

NBA Blog one post later: Seriously, Deron Williams’ ladyfriend was attractive. Best looking girlfriend/fiancee/wife since Curtis Borchardt’s ladyfriend a few years ago.

Wagercom: I was all set to talk about how it is apparently pronounced like “Darin” and not “De-Ron” but then they showed his girlfriend and I didn’t care about how you pronounce his name. She was smoking hot, kid and all.

RedFlagDeals (whose tagline is “Canada’s Bargain Hunting Community” so I don’t know why this NBA WAGs discussion is going on but whatever): …oops, and oh, Deron Williams’ wife is also hot. / Good call, I was stunned when I saw her during the NBA draft. Utah probably drafted his girlfriend, and took Deron as a throw-in…

Go Greece Lightnin’ Go: Some loose ends from the draft recap… I somehow forgot to mention Deron Williams’ hot as hell girlfriend.

CollegeHoops: I think this pick is great, if not just for the fact that Williams wife is smoking… his girlfriend was just great.

Spartan Tailgate (“Where Michigan State Fans Gather”): She is Deron Williams’ girlfriend and the mother of his 2 year old daughter, Denae. She is also way SMOKIN hot and looked amazing last night at the NBA draft.

And that’s just a sampling.

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*Notes:
1) Stock, Darrell Griffith, and Kris Humphries didn’t attend the draft (correct me if I’m wrong on Griffith and Humphries);

2) Dominique Wilkins is eliminated from contention because he never played for the Jazz.

3) While “researching,” I found this Boozer quote:

“But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve dressed up more. I’ve matured, I wanted to take (the game) as a business approach. Not that basketball is work but the approach to it is work-like so I’m going to dress like a professional.”

He sure does put them suits to good use, doesn’t he? Way more so than his cheapie Jazz uniform.

5) Also while “researching,” I found this:

Not sure what Curtis was doing there, but he wasn’t drafted by the Jazz anyway.

(BTW: What would have been the over/under of three Curtis Borchardt references in the last 24 hours?)

The countdown is reaching its final moments. Don’t f*ck this up, Carlos.

Draft Notes and Stuff

–Purple was definitely the color of the day. Both Stern and Griffin were decked out in purple…

…as were a bunch of other guys:

Meanwhile, mint and gray seemed to be the color combination of the day:

–Oh the irony: Darren Collison, who declined to work out for the Jazz because he didn’t want to play limited minutes behind DWill, got picked up by…NO. Wonder how that press conference went.

–Winner of the “Dude, your pants are too tight” Award: Jonny Flynn.

–Winner of the “A white guy can’t get away with this outfit” Award: Terrence Williams.

–Co-winners of the Lebron James-Greg Oden “Benjamin Button” Award: Sam Young and Jonny Flynn.

–Top 3 NBA Lookalikes: Jonas Jerebko/Curtis Borchardt; James Harden (whose bowtie is growing on me)/John Salmons; Patty Mills/Jameer Nelson.

–Worst draft portraits: Henk Norel and Ricky Rubio.

–Selection of random guys that somehow got draft portraits taken by the NBA (besides the aforementioned Jerebko (39th pick)): the aforementioned Henk Norel (47th pick), Sergey Gladyr (49th pick), and Nando De Colo (53th pick).

–Out of nowhere, Brandon Jennings (picked 10th) popped up on stage four picks later–kind of like he was at an awards show and accepting an award on someone else’s behalf. He was not only late, but showed up after checking the “not attending” box on his draft invite. David Stern was placated, however, by the fact that Jennings was sporting the exact same outfit as him.

–Indiana further cements its status as the whitest team in the league by picking up Tyler Hansbrough to go along with Diener, Dunleavy, Foster, McRoberts, Murphy, and Rasho. This was also the second year in a row that Indiana took the Jazz’s widely-projected draft pick (Hibbert last year).

–Rubio didn’t show up for his press conference in Minny. Here he is trying not to cry last night:

(Just as an aside, I’m pretty sure he waxes his eyebrows. No way he has eyebrows that thick and it’s not naturally a unibrow.)

–Dime on BJ Mullens: Mullens is a steal at 24 for Dallas. Yeah, he’s young and inexperienced, but a lot of that was Thad Matta really dicking him on PT this year, which I honestly think was Matta’s effort to keep Mullens in school for another year.

Found this interesting, because it seems that Matta was also busy dicking KK2 last year. I can’t remember where I heard this, but supposedly (one of?) the reason(s) why KK2 slipped in the draft was due to Matta giving less-than-glowing recommendations to teams because he was pissed that KK2 had entered the draft and wasn’t coming back to Ohio State. KOC and the Jazz FO made the decision to draft him based not on talking to Matta, but talking to other teams that KK2 had worked out for before the draft. Kostko’s high school coach even blasted Matta in the press, calling him “clueless.”

Jazz Draft Notes and Stuff

Shades of Tag and the Glove

So yeah. Eric Maynor and Goran Suton. All the sites and all the analysis have my head spinning, but from what I gather, Maynor is a pure PG with great leadership skills, has no qualms about taking the last shot with the game on the line, and is one of the most NBA-ready point guards in this year’s draft class. Suton, meanwhile, is a good rebounder and good shooter for his size and has a back story that few of us can imagine.

Fanhouse calls Maynor “just the kind of player coach Jerry Sloan can work with,” while nbadraft.net calls Suton “a perfect Jerry Sloan guy.” (Incidentally, has Jerry committed yet to coming back next year? He’s been involved with the draft workouts and was at the post-draft press conference, but I don’t think I’ve heard an announcement on this yet.)

That’s the good. The bad? Maynor’s weaknesses, according to Draft Express, include “ability to defend position at next level?,” “commitment to playing defense,” and “defensive fundamentals” (in other words, he will fit right in with the rest of the Jazz roster. ARGH!). Also somewhat worrying is that he only weighs 165-175 lbs. (i.e. just slightly more than me). Suton, meanwhile, might lack the athleticism to make it in the NBA and several sites seem to think he will be gaining experience in Europe next year.

After the draft, KFAN got Maynor on the phone and asked him a bunch of personal questions, including who his favorite players are. His answer: LBJ, and CP3–who he watches a lot and wants to emulate. At least he pronounced “Deron” correctly…

Great story: During the introduction press conference the next day, it came out that Jerry killed eMay’s dad’s NBA dreams by cutting him from the Bulls back in the day. Jerry also got a laugh out of me when he told Suton he had four days to get into shape because training camp starts on Tuesday. Loved the music note logo caps the guys were sporting at the press conference, by the way.

(This picture is also testimony to the fact that Jerry can change. Look at him there, with his shirt untucked.)

Finally: if I’m Maynor, DJ and PK would be at the top of my sh!t list after their shameful show this morning. Listening to the podcast made me cringe about 100 times in 15 minutes. Seriously, they made me ashamed to be a Jazz fan.

P.S. Typical me and my general ignorance of what is going on in the world–I found out about Michael Jackson through a comment on the SLC Dunk draft thread. RIP.

Draft Day Odds and Ends

Waiting for the draft to start is like waiting for Christmas morning when you’re a kid.

So we didn’t get Sam Young, even though he was available. Boo. There went my not-very-interested-to-begin-with interest in the draft. We got an NBA-ready PG (NBA-readiness is, of course, relative)–Eric Maynor–and Memo III (since KK2 was labeled Memo II last year)–Goran Suton. When all is said and done…if you’ve come here for draft analysis and fancy stuff like that, you’ve come to the wrong place. I’m not that advanced, so what you’ll find here is, at most, some regurgitation and links. More on the draft tomorrow, after a good night’s sleep.

Jazz stuff:
–My last post mentioned that DWill would have been the #1 pick overall in ‘05 if NBA GMs had had their smart hats on (according to Fanhouse). Fanhouse has now also fixed the 2006 draft, which has Ronnie Brew going 5th overall and Sap going 9th overall. In other words, ‘06 was a good draft for us.

–Frank Layden drafted Stock after feeling his bicep. And in the comments section you will find the usual ultra-informed posts of online NBA fans proclaiming the superiority of Chris Paul to Stock.

–KK is joining Ronnie B and Sap at the USA Basketball minicamp.

Other stuff:
–Yao Ming’s foot is still broke. Dude, Chinese government, give him a break (pun fully intended). Seriously, let him rest a summer or two. If he can’t play no mo’, you can’t take half his paycheck no mo’.

–Seriously NBA? You paid a photographer to take pictures of CP3 examining a caricature of his one-month old baby? Seriously?

–None of the players mentioned in this post–Worst Names in Sports History–are NBA players. In other words, I have no idea who any of them are. However, that doesn’t make it any less of a fun read.

–Cue the violins. Dick: “I still want to have a family, but the wounds have to heal first. I want to raise a family and have a couple of small Dirks running around. But it will not be easy to win my heart.” Um…ok then…(I just have to ask, why do foreign players always speak with so much more candor when they’re talking to their own country’s media? It’s like they think whatever they say will just be contained in their country, and no one else will ever hear about it.)

Tick tock, four more days, Carlos.

[There's now a wonderful Carlos Boozer Opt-Out Countdown Clock over at SLC Dunk. Check it out.]

Odds and Ends plus an Anecdote

–You know how there are some people in this world that can’t conceive of a better or more fascinating pasttime than making other people look at pictures of their kids? I was at a dinner party recently when everyone started pulling out their phones and passing them around so everyone else could coo over their kids/nieces/nephews. So I busted out my phone and passed it around to introduce all of them to the person on my wallpaper: “Everyone, this is Deron.”

–The NBA has announced that the Pacers and Nuggets will be playing a pre-season game here in October. (The League identified the teams as “Indiana Pacers” and “Denver Nuggets.” Locally, however, it’s known as “Carmelo and 19 other random tall guys.”) Should I shell out big bucks so I can hold up a “Please send the Jazz next year” sign? I suppose that would be cheaper than plane tickets to London/Madrid.

–What kind of thoughts do fans occupy themselves with during the offseason? Well, for one, whether Carlos waxes, shaves, or got laser hair removal.

–When NBA draft-day blunders are retroactively “fixed,” DWill gets drafted #1 in 2005 because CP3 is a little shrimpy shrimp.

–Let me just preface draft talk here at “Living and Dying by the Jazz” (and this is likely the only draft talk you’ll find here this summer) by saying that I know nothing about the draft or draft prospects, except that many mock drafts have the Jazz taking Tyler “Psycho T” Hansbrough because he is big, white, and hard-working, and that makes him and Utah a Match Made in Heaven.

However, after reading this, I am throwing my uninformed weight behind drafting Sam Young, who “knows nasty,” “has a tendency to play with tenacity on defense,” and plays through freak injuries (“freak” = getting a pole on the vertical leap-measuring machine impaled in the bicep for an hour and having to hang there on the machine until help + chain saw arrive).

Empty the Bench lists Young as one of this draft’s three “Players Who Will Be Better than Expected,” saying:

Young gained notoriety at Pitt for his offensive exploits, notably his explosive dunks and best-in-the-world shot fake. His size, athleticism, and workmanlike dedication to improvement will likely result in his becoming a defensive specialist in the mold of Ron Artest or Trevor Ariza, however. He’ll be the guy asked to stop shooting guards through power forwards, and as an added bonus, Young’s jump shot and rebounding are better than expected. He has the smarts and attitude to be the ultimate glue guy for any club.

Athleticism, workmanlike dedication, and defensive specialist? Break me off a piece of that…

–Dirk goes straight from “As with all things coming from this woman’s mouth, we are highly skeptical” [about her pregnancy] to filing for sole custody of the unborn child. He is such a winner.

–An idea for re-aligning the league into the following divisions:

**Misplaced Mascots: (Lickers, Grizz, Kings, Raps, Jazz)
**Ferocious Animals: (Hawks, Bobcats, Bulls, Bucks, Peskies)
**Ferocious People: (Cavs, Mavs, Warriors, Blazers, Wizards)
**Non-ferocious People: (Celtics, Pacers, Clips, Hornets, 76ers)
**Random Objects: (Nuggets, Pistons, Nets, Knicks, Spurs)
**Global Warming: (Rockettes, Heat, Thunder, Magic, Suns)

–Good read about Most Valuable Loser vs. Most Valuable Me.

–The countdown marches on. 7 days left to opt out, Carlos.

Honey, it’s a basketball game

Big hair and full-on makeup? Check.

Low-cut evening gown? Check.

Huge diamond ring? Check.

Flagrantly ignore rule about always taking off one accessory before heading out the door? Check.

OK, ready to go…

…to the BASKETBALL GAME.

I’ve been not clicking on nauseating championship articles. Today, I decided to see what crazy outfit ‘Nessa wore to the arena. She did not let down my expectations for ridiculous.

Concidentally, C sent me this post today about Mrs. Bryant and her ridiculous taste in bags (along with a comment expressing surprise that Nessa left her tutu at home):

I don’t mean to beat on [Vanessa] for no reason, she is just not a nice person and apparently does not know how to shop either. A friend of mine lives in their gated community in Laguna and saw her screaming at the gate guard after he greeted her with, “Good evening Mrs. Bryant”. She stopped the car, turned it around and went back to shout, “DO NOT EVER TALK TO ME!”. I mean, it’s not like he said, “That bag of yours is ridiculous” or something. Which is what I thought but was polite enough to keep to myself (to her face, I mean).

P.S. It’s nice to see that like the Boozers, the Bryants have reconciled.

House Cleaning Odds and Ends

–I will no longer (on occasion) petition for 3rd Quarter Collapse to exchange names with SLC Dunk. The Magic deserves that name. Seriously. (Note: This was written before the end of the series. I’m not rubbing anything in.)

–Biggest news of the offseason so far? The Jazz picked up Fes’ option for next season but I don’t get the feeling that either side is thrilled about it. Both the sltrib and desnews articles talked about how 1) Sacramento is interested; 2) team officials weren’t pleased with his complaining about playing time on Facebook; 3) team officials aren’t pleased with his decision to play for the Ukrainian national team instead of the Jazz’s summer league team this summer.

Just for the record, I really think that he needs the summer league experience, but I don’t have any beef with him wanting to play for his country. That is, I felt that way until I read the following day that there is actually no scheduling conflict, and Fes simply wants to stay in the Ukraine all summer.

I also get a sleazeball vibe from his agent. I know it’s an agent’s job to talk up his client, so I’ll let stuff like “He’s made tremendous strides, on and off the court, from year one to two, so there’s no reason to think that growth is not going to continue” go, but “I don’t know big guys that don’t have issues with conditioning“? Seriously?

–Just as an “oh, by the way,” Tag is interested in unretiring and playing “10 or 15 minutes a game, get some rebounds and block some shots.” And his 6′5″ 15-year-old son is already looking forward to being better than Pops. lol.

–Apart from playing for the Russian national team this summer, AK will also be working out at the Peak Performance Project for the first time. Like the post says, it’s encouraging to see AK “making an increased commitment to the Jazz’s off-season program and suggests that Kirilenko will be back in Utah next season.” I can’t wait to see how the training translates to the floor. I am emotionally needy for an AK break-out year. (Peak Performance Project is where Ronnie B (one of the ten Jazzmen that worked out there last summer) grew his muscles last offseason. This is a good look at PPP.)

–Speaking of Ronnie B and national teams, Brewer and Sap have been invited to USA Basketball’s minicamp next month.

–Man, Paul Westphal has aged.

OK, so the last time I saw him Barkley was still playing for him, but that wasn’t that long ago, was it? C barely recognized him, and he looks more like Popovich than he does his younger self.

–Is there anyone, anyone at all affiliated with LA and/or the Lickers that isn’t an ass? Besides well-documented examples Phil Jackass (who, by the way, won’t let Sun Yue talk to his family back home during the Playoffs because contact with his relatives would be lack of “focus”), Shaq, and course Me I Me I Me I Bryant, we now have to add Licker fans, the LAPD loudmouths, and Kareem to the list. DHO responded to Kareem with class, but that doesn’t mean Kareem should have been yapping away like that. Do we ever hear SVG talking about how Sasha has been delinquent in getting his testosterone shots and how Gasol is even uglier in person?

–Listen to this (mp3).

–Tim Buckley on where Boozer-in-Utah started unravelling: A night in Milwaukee during Boozer’s first season with the Jazz when Jerry Sloan offered a very candid assessment of and desire for better defensive play from both Carlos Boozer and Mehmet Okur, and in the intervening days Larry Miller went on the radio and really piled onto that specifically with regards to Boozer, and when Boozer, being a little bit sensitive as he is to criticism as harsh and as specific as Larry liked to dole out, kind of went into a little bit of a shell, eventually came up with a trade request that was not met at the trade deadline that season but which was met one game later with a somewhat arguably mysterious foot injury that cropped up right after the trade deadline and amazingly seemed to be healed the day after the season ended.

Boozer’s first year in Utah was before(ish) blogs, streaming Utah sports radio, and the like, so I don’t think I ever really knew about this. And now that I do…the Hatorade is overflowing from the bottle even more.

–Not to sound like an insensitive prick (in other words, I am about to sound like an insensitive prick) because it’s good news that Carlos and CeCe are attempting to reconcile. However, it does not surprise me at all that he would file for divorce while the Jazz are fighting for homecourt in the Playoffs and then try to reconcile during the offseason. It’s always drama with the drama queen.

–The countdown continues. Tick tock, tick tock. Carlos, only 13 days left for you to opt out.