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Mutantly gigantic thorn in my side, thy name is Carlos Boozer

April 6, 2009

“Boozer is a freaking bastard bitchface!”–clarkpojo

I was really happy to hear Jerry say before the game this morning, “I think about [bringing Boozer off the bench] every day. We need guys, and maybe Boozer can get himself together a little bit more coming off the bench.” I was really happy about the win. I was also very happy that Boozer didn’t play in the 4th after the Jazz went into meltdown mode in the 3rd.

And then I read/heard/saw his post-game comments.

When he was asked about the possibility of him coming off the bench, FB said very dismissively, “I AM a starter, hands down, period.” (KSL then cut back to the studio and Tom Kirkland, who was like, “Uh…that was awkward.” LOL)

On not playing in the 4th, Boozer said, “It’s the worst thing in the world, especially when you’re a dude like me” and “It was exciting as a basketball fan to watch our team play so great in the game, and that’s the most important thing is us winning right now.”

So if it comes down to one or the other, winning vs. you not playing in the 4th, which would it be? I think the answer is pretty clear, because Carlos is all about Carlos. His me-me-me-all-me-all-the-time’ness just sticks in my craw. Have we heard AK bitch about coming off the bench? No, AK just said that he’ll do whatever’s best for the team and that he’ll do what Jerry wants him to do. Lest you forget, AK is a big money player and he was once the man on this team too. You see him putting his ego aside to benefit the team, and here you are publicly putting yourself ahead of the team and its chances to win? I really, really hope that none of the young guys on the team spend any time with you and learn from your example.

Every time Carlos has been asked lately, he talks about how he’s not yet completely healthy. After the Minnesota game, he talked about how he still has to “get my rhythm back. It’s very uncharacteristic of me” [while--ahem--tooting his own horn: "A guy like me, I'm a scorer. I'm able to hit shots from almost anywhere inside the three-point line...Two games ago I was on fire before I got ejected when we were gettin' our butts kicked (against Portland)."] How utterly predictable that the day Jerry says that he’s thinking about bringing him off the bench, Boozer is suddenly “absolutely” 100% and “[feeling] great.”

All this just makes it even more ridiculous whenever he refers to himself as the team’s leader. The most recent example (that I can remember) being when DJ and PK asked him what would happen if a player twittered (tweeted?) in the Jazz locker room, and FB responded, “It doesn’t happen. As the leader of the team, I don’t let that go down.” He went on to say, “When we’re on the court, we have a code that we stay focused to each other for the 2 or 3 hours that we’re in the gym, and I think that everybody honors that code because we all want to win.” I guess that explains why he had no problem being a distraction in NJ–because he was in street clothes and not on the court.

I’m sick of him being a selfish prick. Prior to the Knicks game, he was asked what it’ll take for him to get to the line more, and FB said, “Just getting fouled. Run a little bit more post ups, we’re doing our offensive sets a little different, the more comfortable I get, the more post ups I get, the more fouls, shoot more free throws.” He went on to say that his not drawing any fouls is because “it’s just more post ups, we need to run a little bit more post ups, stuff we’re doing now is more pick and rolls.” OK I see, so Jerry and DWill are to blame for not running the right plays for you to get to the line.

[When Jerry was asked the same question, his answer was "better shape" and "conditioning." Duh Carlos. If you're poor shape, how you gonna post up?]

There’s been some talk on Utah radio lately about whether Boozer’s return is what caused the team’s slide into the Land of Fail. Some of the show hosts would say that this was the case, but stress that the phenomenon was the result of issues with PT caused by Boozer’s return rather than a detrimental effect wrought by Boozer the person.

The Jazz offense is run through Boozer, who clearly is not far enough along in his recovery to do it all. But he doesn’t give up the ball: In 14 games in March, he averaged 1.7 APG. Since he returned and got his minutes back, the play of AK, Memo, and Ronnie B have all gone downhill. Team defense has also gone downhill, perhaps because everyone is now so concerned about their own minutes that their ability to focus on games has fled. And if the self-proclaimed leader of this team is bitching about his minutes, why shouldn’t everyone else do so too?

If he were playing great, that’d be one thing. Instead, I’m getting emails like this:

RE: I love carlos boozer!!
That’s right. Even though he’s on my team, thanks to him, Chris Andersen registered eight blocks!!!

Mutantly gigantic thorn in my side, thy name is Carlos Boozer.


I’m pretty sure I’ll never have occasion to utter this phrase again, but someone on clutchfans is actually funny.

It being not a Jazz fan that created this, there are some inaccuracies that only Jazz fans are privy to. I’ve edited the original for, well, really for my own amusement:

One Comment leave one →
  1. April 7, 2009 2:16 am

    Your flow chart is 100X better. Awesome.

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